Chapter 2

This was freedom in a way I had never imagined. I had no one at all telling me what to do. No rules to follow. No one depending on me to justify their existence. I could actually be selfish. Be self-centered in the most basic meaning of the term.

I reveled in it.

Where did I sleep? Well, this was Southern California. The weather is beautiful for most of the year. I slept in the park with the other homeless people. I slept in the apartment of the burger joint’s cook and his two roommates. I shared a motel room with friends who had enough money for one. I was the baby, and clearly a helpless one, so I was well protected by my friends. They fed me. They looked after me. They watched over me while I slept. Occasionally they would want to have sex with me. It seemed a reasonable trade. But it seldom happened. Most of these people were in their teens, twenties, and thirties. They were almost all, male and female, prostitutes. While they all understood the value of sex as a trade good, none of them actually wanted much more sex than they were already getting. They didn’t need me to give them some, when they could give it elsewhere and get paid for it!

Most of them also did drugs. I didn’t, though it never occurred to me to judge them for anything they did. The fact that I was neither a prostitute nor a drug user gave me some strange appeal to them. I was the “good” person in their midst. I’m sure that, and my tender age, were a big part of why they all liked me so much.

I had various boyfriends during my time on the streets. Being drug addicts and male prostitutes, there were some unusual strains on my relationships. Of course, since I’d never had a boyfriend before, I had nothing to compare it to.

So when I found out that Rick, my latest, was also sleeping with Sandra, I didn’t get overly upset. I simply went to talk to Sandra. She told me she loved him. Fine. So we both went to talk to Rick. He said he loved both of us. Fine. So he dated both of us. With the benefit of hindsight, I’m sure he was hoping this meant a threesome in his future. For all I know, she suggested such a thing. I don’t recall. She might have been subtle, and I missed it. I don’t think I would have refused, since I had absolutely no personal guidelines for my behavior, no sexual hang-ups, no peer condemnation to fear. Since I don’t recall the experience, I can only conclude that either they didn’t ask, or I didn’t understand.

Being a “clean” girl, I was much in demand as a girlfriend. So I would “go out with” a guy for a few weeks or months, and break up with him to “date” someone else. I suppose that would have made me a slut in any other world. In this one, where most of them were actively seeking to have sex with several people a night, I was practically a virgin.

I don’t know why I didn’t catch any serious diseases. God watches out for fools, I guess. I did get a few minor things that were cured at the local county hospital for free. Nothing a shot in the ass couldn’t clear up. And no one ever suggested that I should stop having sex, or use protection. In fact, I wasn’t even on birth control. I don’t know if my failure to get pregnant was from my own health, the low sperm count of my partners, or more special attention from On High, but I was very lucky.

There’s no doubt that this early indoctrination into the “real” world shaped my view of sex, relationships, and responsibilities. Whether for the better or not is hard to say. In fact, the only thing I can say for sure is that it is not something most boyfriends since that time have understood. Usually safer to just not tell them.